It was recently asked “how early is too early to start drinking on your birthday?”. I proclaimed that there was no such thing, because BIRTHDAY LAW. Which got me thinking about the kinds of entitlements that come with celebrating your special day…
The Birthday Law
1. One’s birthday is not over until one has consumed Official Birthday Cake. It doesn’t need to be big, it can be as small as a cupcake. Official Birthday cake can be many flavours, excluding carrot cake, because it’s not real cake (unless it’s Momofuku Milk Bar Carrot cake, in which case, continue.). You receive bonus Birthday Cake points for it being ice cream cake, in the shape of a train or inclusive of sprinkles.
2. The Birthday Song must be sung at some point. No exceptions. Acceptable substitutions to The Birthday Song include: Happy Birthday to you by Stevie Wonder or Celebrate by KC and the Sunshine Band.
3. It is never too early to start drinking. That’s what champagne breakfasts, mimosas, or shower beers are for. If you can’t do it today, when can you?!
4. Thou shall not work on your birthday. TAKE THE DAMN DAY OFF.
5. Suitable Birthday Attire includes: Tiaras, ridiculously fun dresses, suits, capes, your favourite outfit that never gets a wear in day to day life. This includes anything with sparkles. Fun lipstick. Not your birthday suit. That joke has been done, move on.
6. Birthday Activities include: WHATEVER YOU WANT. Go-karting, gaming, movies, road trips, karaoke.
Birthday Activities exclude: bill paying, trips to the dentist, school runs or trips to the supermarket. Unless you’re buying supplies for something fun. That’s ok.
7. Nothing that you hate to do, but do ‘because it’s good for you’ is permissible on your birthday. No running, salads, flossing, vitamins, green smoothies or dessert skipping.
8. It’s completely ok to stretch out your birthday over multiple days, especially if your birthday is during the week. Birthday Week is the best way to make sure that you gather all the birthday joy you deserve, without running yourself ragged on your day of days. Birthday Week can be extended further if you are interstate or overseas – the further from home you are, the further it stretches.
9. Thou must consume at least one item that contains sprinkles.
You know I love birthday cake like a fat kid loves… Erm… Birthday cake. I’ve been dying to make this particular cake for some time, because it’s fun and whimsical and everything a birthday cake should be, damnit. So, I made it for myself for my birthday last week. And just so you know… It was everything I dreamed it would be.
Orange Fruit Tingles Cake
From Raspberri Cupcakes
For the cake:
1 1/2 large oranges, zested and juiced
165g unsalted butter, at room temperature
3/4 cup caster sugar
300g self-raising flour
For the icing:
350g salted butter, at room temperature
600g icing sugar
4 rolls (about 140g) Fruit tingles, plus 1 extra roll for decoration
Heat your oven to 190*c.
With an electric beater, cream together the butter, sugar and zest of 1 orange until pale and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, thoroughly mixing before adding the next. Add the juice (should be about 1/2 cup) and flour, gently folding into the mix, being careful not to over beat.
Pour the mixture into a lined and greased cake tin. You can divide the cake into it’s 3 layers and bake for 10 – 15 minutes, or bake the cake whole for 45 – 55 minutes (which is what I did, because I’m lazy). Leave to cool completely on a wire cooling rack.
To make the icing, cream the butter until fluffy and smooth. Add the icing sugar slowly, until it has a smooth but not runny consistency. You might need a little more or less icing sugar, or perhaps a splash of milk to get it right. Blitz the fruit tingles in a food processor or with a rolling pin, then mix into the icing until evenly combined.
Split the cake if you baked it whole (Jamie’s tips on doing that here are fantastic, then spread some icing between each layer, then cover the whole cake in a crumb layer. Place the cake in the fridge for 15 minutes, then cover the cake in the remaining icing and decorate with extra fruit tingles.
What do you think should be added to Birthday Law?